Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Drake has all the answers
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
