Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
