I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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