what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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