So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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