Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Dear god my vagina.
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