so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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