i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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