My sheets look like a crime scene.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
