ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize