I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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