if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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