is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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