I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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