Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
