You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he shaved USA in his pubs
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize