he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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