she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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