I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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