he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
