just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
