i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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