I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
