he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
