I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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