I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
