There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
