My room smells like vodka and shame
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
