Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Me. At least after what I've been through.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
