By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
