Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
