Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
