: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
