He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Randomize
