would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
my being single is dangerous.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize