...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
