this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
