I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
