So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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