I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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