I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
