dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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