The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
