Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
