I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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