I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
