Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
