Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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