Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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