We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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