I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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