His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you would pick up someone in the library
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
