I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
