i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
