dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
