I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
