Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
