Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
