new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
