Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
