i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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