Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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