i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
