we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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