"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
