just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
