Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
