Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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