I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
