using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
